Nightmares Drowned Out By Music
by Prussianess
Summary: Late at night, Justin Law wakes from another nightmare. A voice continues to harass him, but his earphones aren't around to drown out the noise. Questions flow through the young Deathscythe's mind. Among them is one that would haunt him for the rest of his life; "How long until I fall?" Mangaverse. Pre-Manga.


**AN: Hello everybody. This is my contribution to the amazing Soul Eater fandom. **

**My favorite character is Justin Law. Mostly because, well...look at him! He's absolutely adorable! Okay, that aside... He went insane. No, the isn't ****_the _****reason why I love him. There was nothing showing ****_how, when, _****or, ****_why _****he went insane. It just...happened. **

**I like to think that he's been fighting insanity since he was a kid, much like Stein. Meeting the Clown was the tipping point. I will absolutely ****_refuse_**** to believe that he choose madness willingly. How do you become a lovable Shinigami worshiping priest to a sadistic Kishin worshipping priest?! *sigh* So this is my contribution to the Soul Eater fandom. I hope you enjoy~! **

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Nightmares Drowned Out By Music

_He was bathed in a light; a white, pleasant light. Familiar people surrounded him, all with happy smiles on their faces. He smiled too; not paying attention to the fact that the feeling of having a smile on his face was foreign to him. He felt happy. Happiness…the emotion was almost unfamiliar. Almost. He took a step towards the familiar faces, only to stop short as he noticed their faces change. Their smiles were no longer happy, but forced. Their eyes regarded him with a guarded, nervous edge. The smile slipped off of his face, replaced with a more familiar frown. Why were they looking at him like that? _

_ He took a step back, eyes widening as the faces gained a darker look. What did he do? Their eyes burned with hatred, but the smiles remained. Only this time…the smiles were those of predators who cornered their prey. Two familiar emotions enveloped him; confusion and fear. Emotions that he's lived with his whole life…emotions that he's ashamed to admit he's gotten used to. He took another step back, hoping to escape the predatory looks. His feet met nothing but air. _

_ As he fell, time went in slow motion. As he fell, the faces changed again. They went back to their original form of happiness. Was he not allowed to be with them? Why wasn't he? What was wrong with him? He scanned the faces with wide, fearful eyes; someone must want to help him…right? They wouldn't leave someone to fall to their death…_right_? One face stood out among the others. Instead of happiness, the face was a mask of shock and horror. The familiar looking person started to run towards the falling person. But it was too late. As soon as the familiar face reached him, he was too far gone to be saved. _

_ As he fell he made no sound. Fear gripped him in its greedy hands, holding too tight to allow such useless things like screaming. The only thing that he could do was watch as he left the familiar faces behind. He could only watch as the light surrounding him turned into a crimson red. He couldn't do anything to escape the malicious laughter that now filled his ears. He could only fall…only fall until he reached the bottom…_

Justin's eyes snapped open; he sat up, his body gleamed with sweat, and his heavy breathing was the only sound in the room. He rested his forehead in the palm of his hand and let out a shaky laugh.

"It was only a nightmare." He closed his eyes and smiled. "Thank you, God." He lent back into the bed, hoping to catch a few more hours of sleep. Silence wrapped around him; it was refreshing, and yet, it felt wrong. Sleepily, the boy felt his ears. It was odd to not feel anything protrude from them. His earphones always stayed in his ears, even when he was asleep. Only a few weeks ago, Justin decided to take them out while he was sleeping; if only to save his hearing. The boy sighed as he closed his eyes, maybe the newfound silence would help him sleep.

**_"Did you really think that you can escape?" _**Justin's eyes snapped open again, wide and fearful as the voice intruded his thoughts yet again.

'This is why I never took out my earphones…' Justin thought tensely.

**_"Are you really that stupid? You honestly thought that I wouldn't come after that entertaining little dream?" _**Justin gripped the sheets on his bed tightly. **_"Oh? Are you still scared? Scared of what I could do?" _**A cold laugh filled the young man's ears. Justin felt the nightstand by his bed; his hands only felt the cold wood.

'Where are my earphones?!'

**_"You know as well as I do that those precious earphones of yours won't help you. They only slow down the process; they won't halt your descent completely." _**

"But they drown out your awful voice…" Justin whispered.

**_"You're scared of my voice now? Well, that's unfortunate because you know that I can't leave. Remember, my little priest, I _****am****_ you. You can't escape yourself." _**

"Shut up." Justin growled. "You are nothing like me." More laughter filled the priest's ears.

**_"Do you even hear yourself? All I can hear is denial. Why fight this hard, long battle? What do you have to gain out of this struggle?" _**

"My _sanity._" Justin struggled to sit up, he felt so tired. His energy felt like it was leaking out of his body.

**_"Ah, but what _****is ****_sanity? As far as you know, you could be insane right now. I could be offering you your sanity back. You can't honestly believe everything that Grim Reaper tells you. Oh, I forgot. You're his little mascot." _**

"Don't you dare call me that!" Justin shouted. "I am his loyal servant. His blade of justice, his pillar of faith! God doesn't have mascots, and it is an insult to say so!"

**_"Do you even hear yourself? You sound ridiculous. You are nothing more than a weapon he uses to execute those who stand in his way. What kind of 'god' is that?" _**

"Just shut up!" Justin covered his ears in a desperate attempt to block out the voice.

**_"Hasn't anyone told you that faith and madness is the same thing? Shouldn't you do what you were meant to? Just give in. Follow your destiny and shed this fake skin you falsely believe is yours." _**

"No! I am me. Nothing about me is 'fake'."

**_"Oh? So you're admitting that you're nothing more than a sheep who would do whatever his God tells him to? That you would willingly kill whoever stood in your God's way? Is that the person you want to be?" _**

"You're taking everything out of context." Justin ground out. His eyes swept his room, looking for the earphones that would save him. "My God only destroys those who threaten to tip the balance of Good and Evil. I only kill those who would kill thousands of innocent people. Those who would spread their madness across the globe…" The priest could already feel himself slipping. He forced himself to stand up, his legs were shaking.

**_"'Good and Evil'? What idealistic thoughts. There is no 'Good and Evil'. There is only power. Those in power set up the laws for others to follow; those who follow are branded as 'good' and those who don't are branded as 'evil'. Who's to say that the laws brought on upon the ones in power are truly lawful?" _**

"I would say the same to the people who rebel. Who's to say that _they_ truly have the world's best interests at heart?How do we know who's truly good and evil? Honestly, we don't. Is it wrong for me to follow the one who's obviously good?"

**_"Did you just ignore everything that I said? There is _****no ****_obvious good or evil. The world isn't black and white. The world is nothing but various shades of grey." _**Justin bit his tongue to keep himself from answering back. He knew that it would only egg the voice on. He stumbled across his bedroom to his desk. Papers were strewn across the surface, work that needed to be done in the coming week. He couldn't care less about that right now. He swept his arm across the desk, sending the contents of the desk scattering to the floor; papers, pens, a binder, orders and mission statements, and (much to Justin's later dismay) a small bible. But in the midst of the office-like clutter on the floor, a small black wire caught the priest's eye. Justin dived, almost literally, to floor for the precious object.

**_"Oh…now look who's acting like an animal. You see, fighting this is doing more of a toll on your sanity than just giving up. If only you could see how you look right now; desperate…pathetic…_****scared****_." _**

"Shut. Up." Justin shoved the ear-buds into his ears and stumbled back to his bed. He yanked the drawer of his nightstand open, revealing yet another bible and his black iPod. He grabbed the iPod and roughly connected the headphones to it.

**_"Well, it seems that you would no longer listen. But remember this, I will always be here. You can't drown me out forever. Even if you can't hear me consciously, your subconscious is still listening. You can't completely halt your descent into madness; you can only slow it down." _**

Justin turned the iPod on and instantly turned the volume up as high as it would go. He sat there on the bed, breathing heavily and waiting for his heartbeat to calm down. The music pounded through his skull with brutal force, but the noise caused him to relax. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"I'm never going to take these out again." He sighed. "That was a huge mistake." He fell limp in to the bed, not caring about the mess in the room, not caring about the fact that sun was peeking out from the horizon. He flipped himself over so that he was facing the wall. He stared blankly at the wall as his eyes began to droop. He knew that he shouldn't dwell on what the voice told him, but he couldn't help it. Was he really just a weapon used to execute those his stood in God's way? Was he really on the side that does best for the good of the world? He shook those thoughts out of his head.

"No." He told himself. "I can't afford to doubt myself, or my Lord. That would help the voice drag me down into the depths of madness." The music didn't seem as harsh now. Justin knew that the voice wasn't completely drowned out; if he focused enough, he could still hear it speak. Of course, he didn't even think of focusing on that dreadful voice. His breathing slowed and he eyes fell shut. A good night's sleep would do him well. He would worry about the mess on the floor when he wakes up again.

As Justin fell into unconsciousness, one more question ran through his mind; a question that cut through the deafening noise of his music, a question that rammed its way into his very soul.

'_How long will it take until I finally fall?'_

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**AN: Hm, did you like it? I hope you liked it. I poured my heart into this. ****_My heart. _In case you're wondering, Justin is 15 in this story. Only two years after he became a Deathscythe...**

**Also, did you like the way I tied his earphones into this whole thing? I thought it was clever of me! Well...that's what ****_I _****think... I feel as if arguing with that voice would cause a large mental and physical strain. That why he took so long to find his way across his room and why he seemed so tired. That's also why he acted irrationally with the objects on his desk. He's seriously going to regret that...**

**Justin: *yawn* That...was a terrible night. Ah well, I need to get my paperwork done. *sees mess on the floor* ...that's right...I'm going to have to clean this up...*sees bible laying on the floor* ! A bible?! I threw a bible onto the floor?! NOOOooo!**

**Please ignore my brainfarts And review this story! ^^**


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